A top model shares how beauty isn’t everything, and
where true beauty comes from. A true story by Laura Krauss Calenberg
Being
on the covers of top European fashion magazines was no longer a dream for me
but reality. I could hardly believe it! All I ever wanted was to be in
magazines, earn lots of money, and travel all over the world. The struggle to
make ends meet was finally over. Now I could wine and dine in Paris, my new
home, and toast fame and fortune. After all, isn’t that what life is all about?
What
is your idea of beauty? What would you change about yourself if you could?
When I began my career with Christian Dior in Paris at age 19, my idea of
beauty was what others thought about me. If people approved of me and wanted to
book me for a modeling job, then I concluded that I must be pretty. My logic
was that if I was successful and working then I must be beautiful. It was a
dangerous thought-pattern because I was placing my self-esteem in the hands of
others and what they thought about me.
Another way that I determined beauty was by association. I
was working with some of the most beautiful women in the world who were
appearing in the most popular magazines. Since they were my friends and peers,
then I thought, surely I’m just as beautiful.
Another way I assured myself was by the men I attracted.
Since I had lots of handsome, intelligent, successful men pursuing me, I
thought I was beautiful. I was popular and had a lot of friends, too. And as my
success grew and people recognized me, it was very easy to get invited to all
kinds of parties and go wherever I wanted. So I must be beautiful if I have all
these friends and get to go to all these places.
As a result, I
became an egotistical, self-centered person living a very self-centered life.
Most of my time was spent on me and being concerned about myself. “Me,”
“myself” and “I” were my three favorite words. My entire life was focused on my
physical appearance… my weight and my hair and my clothing and my overall
attractiveness.
I once was on a two-month modeling job in Japan. Every day
people were assigned to do everything for me, even tie my shoes. When I got
dressed, there was someone to hold my dress and coat. They had three people to
do one person’s job. It all fed my self-centeredness and feeling of
self-importance.
Pitfalls of Physical Appearance
I
also became a workaholic. I worked seven days a week because I knew nothing was
guaranteed — I could be out of work the next day. My looks could be gone
anytime, so I had to take every job. I would work in Germany during the day and
then fly to Paris in the evening to work and then go back to Germany in the
morning. I was afraid of losing it all and had to hold on to it at any cost. So
I would take any and every job I could.
The result was that I became exhausted and sick. I fainted
one day in the middle of a shoot and injured my knee. I was laid up in bed for
the first time in my career. Not being able to work was the most frightening
experience I’d ever had, because even if it was for only two weeks it meant I
was missing all the pret-a-porter (fashion shows) that I’d just been fitted
for. I had to cancel fourteen shows. I was crushed.
But one day as I lay there bedridden and unable to work, I began to
reflect on my life and question my values and ideas about beauty and what kind
of person I had become within.
I realized that my views of beauty were inadequate. I knew
for example, that my looks were going to change. My covers and my “tear sheets”
(my pictures that I tear out of magazines) became out-of-date very quickly. I
had worked so hard to get those photos in magazines and my agency wanted to
take them out of my portfolio within six months because everything was out of
style! I was constantly trying to keep up.
I also discovered that making a lot of money at a young age
was great, but I found that the responsibility of managing it was overwhelming.
It also made me question why people were really attracted to me. If I looked
different or did something different or had less money, would my boyfriend
still love me for who I am?
All these questions and doubts were hitting me when I was
still at the peak of my career. I realized the shallowness of it all and began
to feel very empty inside. After acquiring all I thought I wanted, I realized
something was still missing. All the success and attention I received didn’t
fill the emptiness I felt deep within.
What had happened? Where were my priorities? Who or what was
I living for?
Insecurity of Physical Appearance
It
occurred to me that I had been building my life on things that weren’t secure. It was built on what
the culture thought or my boyfriend thought or how much money I made or how
popular I was. I realized I was building my life on sand.
I reflected back to a time in Indiana where I grew up when a
significant event had taken place in my life. “Searching for love in all the
wrong places,” as the song goes, actually did me some good when a classmate
invited me to a concert at her church. I accepted because half of the teen
group were boys, and the church was very large, so I knew this could be fun. But
I had believed there was no need for God in my life. What was the point? My
parents were in the midst of a divorce. Their faith wasn’t helping them.
But, while at the concert, in addition to the music, I heard
a message that touched me. At the close of the concert the musicians told us
they had some good news to share. I thought they were going to tell us about
their first record deal or something. But the news they were talking about
turned out to be that God loves us.
They talked about a relationship with God through Jesus
Christ. They described how God loved me unconditionally and that because of
that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for my sins. Wow, I thought, an
unconditional love relationship! I had no trouble admitting that I had done
wrong things in my life, that I hadn’t measured up to what God wanted me to be.
The musicians explained that I didn’t have to earn God’s favor. I could just
receive God’s gift of love and forgiveness through Jesus Christ.
That night I prayed a short prayer asking
Christ to forgive me and change me. I told Him that I would live for Him and
serve Him with my life. I invited Him to come into my life to begin a
relationship with me.
So there I sat in Paris years later, reflecting on that
special event, wondering how I got to such a point in my life where life had
lost its true meaning. I realized that I had neglected my relationship with God
and chosen my own direction. No wonder I felt so empty! So, I asked God to
forgive me for living for myself and the approval of others. And I said to Him:
“Please change me and show me what real beauty is.”
The first thing that God showed me was the danger of vanity.
I had struggled with that for a long time. In America, $20 billion is spent
annually on cosmetics; $300 million on cosmetic surgery; $33 billion on dietary
products. This illustrates how much time and money we spend on our physical
appearance. Vanity is not beautiful.
Related to that was my habit of comparing myself with the
looks of other women. Jealousy is another problem I’ve had to work on. I’ve had
to learn to be secure in who and what I am and how God has made me, knowing
that He loves me no matter what I look like or how I act.
Insecurity is not
beautiful. It makes it difficult to have and be a friend. And you put a lot of
expectations on others to compliment you and make you feel good.
Definition of Beauty – True Beauty
Without Christ’s forgiveness, our sin makes us ugly on the
inside. We’re not at peace. All the “cover-up” remedies in the world can’t
change that. God sees it and others will see it too. Only Christ can make us
beautiful in God’s sight. True inner beauty begins with God at the center of
our lives and grows outward.
I can tell you that Jesus Christ has changed my life, and I
will never regret the decision I made to follow Him. Why not ask Christ to come
into your life? Jesus says, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one
hears my voice and opens the door I will come in to him” (Revelation 3:20).
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. God
knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the
attitude of your heart. Here is a prayer like the one I prayed that might
express the desire of your heart…
Lord
Jesus, I need You. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the
door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving
my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of my life and make me the
person You want me to be.
If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, you can
pray this prayer now and Christ will come into your life, as He promised.
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